It can be difficult for people in a new relationship to decide when they should kiss. The danger in kissing too soon is feeling like the relationship is moving too fast. The danger in kissing too late is feeling like the relationship is just a friendship.
In our previous article about kissing, we discussed if it was okay to do during the dating relationship at all. For this article, we’re assuming you’ve decided that kissing is okay. Now, we want to help you decide when to kiss.
We’ll talk about a few different approaches to kissing, the first kiss, appropriate kissing, and kissing in public. By the end of reading this article, you should be well equipped to answer that question.
Approaches to Kissing
Okay, you’ve decided to kiss them but how? What’s the best way to lovingly kiss them in a manner that conveys your feelings for them? Well, that really depends on you and the person you’re kissing. It’s time to talk about your approach.
There are a few different schools of thought when it comes to kissing. They all have value, but each approach conjures a different feeling inside of the person receiving the kiss. We’re going to talk about the romantic approach, the chivalrous approach, and the blended approach.
The romantic approach centers around not asking permission. It banks on your ability to sense the right moment and take it. Chances are that this short explanation of it either resonates with you or fills you with some undiagnosed anxiety; some people are just better at this approach than others.
This is the classic trope of most storybooks. The princess swoons and the hero seizes the moment to give her a smooch. There’s real romantic value in the ability to read circumstances and discern the emotions of your partner. Everyone wants to experience this type of kiss at some point in the relationship.
Although it works out in storybooks well enough, it might not be the best approach for you to take at the beginning of the relationship. There’s always the chance of misreading the situation and going for it at the wrong time. Nothing hurts worse than rejection when you’re trying to be romantic.
The chivalrous approach centers around asking permission. It recognizes that not everyone is a mindreader and chooses to err on the side of caution than the assumption of consent. This takes some of the pressure off of your emotional reading ability.
This is another classic trope of storybooks but in a different way. These storybooks have the knight in shining armor ask the princess if he can kiss her, usually with the “m’lady” added in for chivalrous effect. We don’t suggest you call your date m’lady just yet, but we do like the practice of asking her permission.
You really can’t go wrong with this approach, and it’s a lot safer than the previous. It allows your date to express their feelings for you in the form of “yes” or “no” terminology. This might work well in the short run, but it will probably turn weird if you keep using it over the long run.
The blended approach combines the best aspects of the romantic and chivalrous approaches. It recognizes the value of both and uses them appropriately. This is the approach we recommend in all new relationships.
This approach will help you live out a storybook romance of your own. Like the chivalrous knight, you should always start by asking permission to kiss your date. It lessens the chance of misreading the situation and having things go wrong.
But like the knights of old, the chivalrous approach must eventually give way to the romantic approach. Over the course of time, you will learn your partner’s special cues and signals that telegraph their desire for a romantic kiss. These are the moments to let loose your inner Romeo or Juliet. Using both approaches makes you a better character in the love story of the relationship.
The First Kiss
It all comes down to this, the first kiss. Girls tend to dream about the perfect one, and guys tend to rehearse their lines in preparation for it. That’s just the way the dating world goes ‘round, people.
Now, it’s time to answer the original question. When should you have that first kiss? The solution to that equation really depends on the desires and comfortability of both people. We recommend never kissing on the first date. It’s moving way too fast and subliminally sends the wrong signals to your date.
After the first date is finished, you will know if seeing this person again is the right choice. This is when you can entertain the idea of sharing a kiss. Your first kiss is a way of telegraphing your desire for a monogamous relationship with the person you’re kissing, so be sure you know what you’re doing before choosing to make it happen.
Your first kiss probably shouldn’t happen on the second date either, but we leave that up to your discretion and God’s guidance for your life. We recommend attempting to have the first kiss sometime between the third and fifth date. This gives you both enough time to decide whether you’d like to move towards becoming a couple together.
Hopefully, you’ve chosen to take our advice and only kiss after asking their permission. Whether you’re a guy or a girl, a simple statement is always the best way to ask. Try to mimic something along the lines of, “I’ve really enjoyed the time I’ve been spending with you. Would you allow me the honor of kissing you?”
The worst thing that can happen is that they say “no.” If that happens, it’s not the end of the world; it just means they need a bit more time to be comfortable with that. But, believe it or not, you’re actually much more likely to get a “yes” than a “no” when you ask.