If you’re asking this question, you’re probably in a new relationship or doing some research on what’s allowed in a Christian relationship. Wherever you may be and whatever brought you here, we’re going to answer that question for you in a comprehensive way. So, is kissing appropriate for a romantic Christian relationship?
Well, there’s more than one opinion on the matter. It’s not an open and shut case by any means. Some Christians find reasons to allow for kissing before marriage, but others Christians prefer to wait until their wedding day to plant that first kiss.
The Debate on Kissing
First, no one is debating the appropriateness of kissing in the context of a married relationship. No one is that far out on the matter. It seems far fetched to mention it, but we’re just putting it out there for the sake of clarity.
It might come as a surprise to know that the topic of kissing while in a dating relationship is debated in various Christian communities. That’s because kissing is a sexual act! If you don’t believe us, just try kissing any member of your family the same way as your significant other. Yea, we didn’t think so.
The debate centers around if romantically kissing someone before marriage is sexually immoral or not. If you’re here looking for permission to kiss your partner, then surprise, you’re not going to get it from us. The Bible is silent on this matter, and there are Christians on both sides of the aisle regarding its permissibility.
On one hand, kissing is a kind and loving act. It’s not clearly immoral like sex before marriage, and it doesn’t have any heavy spiritual connotations attached to it as sex does. It allows couples a way to show their love in an exclusive manner that is forbidden with others for as long as their relationship lasts (monogamy, faithfulness, cheating, etc). There’s a compelling rationale for permitting a kiss or two [or two-hundred] before marriage.
On the other hand, kissing opens up a natural desire for more. In a romantic relationship, it’s arguably designed to entice the desire for other sexual activities. You’re playing with fire when you choose to kiss someone with romantic passion. So, there’s solid reasoning behind the desire to wait until marriage to kiss.
To kiss or not to kiss, that is the question. Whatever you might think about this ongoing debate in Christianity, it’s important to seek the will of God and not the desires of your heart when making a decision. We counsel you to submit yourself to God and pray for His will to be revealed to you. It’s an essential step in this decision-making process.
Deciding to Kiss
We can’t fault your decision to kiss. Humans are hardwired to seek out different means of connecting with others, and this is a way to connect with a romantic partner in a way that you wouldn’t with others. It definitely isn’t the type of sexual immorality that the Bible concerns itself with combatting.
However, because you’ve made this choice, we want to provide you with some inappropriate and appropriate examples of kissing. Although you’ve made a personal decision that kissing isn’t sexually immoral, it still has the potential to become that if you let it. We don’t want you to fall into that trap.
While in a dating relationship, there are definitely forms of kissing that cross the line into the realm of inappropriate. There are a couple of huge red flags that border on the sin of sexual immorality. If you’ve chosen to kiss, at least protect yourself with some rules.
Firstly, keep the face of the person you’re dating as the object of your planted lips. Any kisses below the neckline are way out of bounds during a date. Secondly, making out is crossing the line and also incredibly juvenile. So, grow up and maintain your Christian bearings; remember, you’re the one who chose this battle.
There are also some guidelines worth sticking to that will help keep your kisses appropriate. Following them will save you some embarrassment and social awkwardness. It’ll also keep you on the good side of God when it comes to the probability of kissing before marriage.
Firstly, there are good times and bad times to kiss your partner. It’s best to keep the kissing in public places so that you’re not tempted to go further in private. No one’s getting naked in public…well, no Christian should be anyways. Secondly, think about your audience while in public. A quick kiss on a walking trail or beach, perfectly acceptable. A long kiss at the family dinner table, not so acceptable. Don’t be that person, please.
Deciding Not to Kiss
We applaud your conviction and conservative judgment! The intimacy of your upcoming marriage will be deepened by this choice. It goes without saying that you’ve made the harder of the decisions, and it’s deserving of admiration but not only for that reason.
There’s a reason they say, “You may kiss the bride” at weddings. The word “may” implies permission, and as the marital representative of God, the pastor is condoning the kiss as having God’s blessing. It might not be the only suitable context for a kiss, but it’s definitely the most appropriate one.
Though it does add an extra layer of protection against sexual immorality, this choice should not be misconstrued as the “more holy” decision. Don’t allow your sense of piety to become overinflated due to this preference. Make this lifestyle option because you desire a more meaningful marriage.