Breakups after Becoming Christian

No matter the circumstances that cause them, breakups are always hard! But it can seem even more difficult when the cause of the breakup is your faith. That’s why this article was written and intended for new Christians that have experienced a recent breakup because of their newfound faith in Jesus Christ.

We want to affirm a timeless truth about ourselves. You were uniquely crafted by God and are an amazing person. You are capable of loving deeply and were created to be deeply loved. And although you might not be able to see it quite yet, there are plenty of Christians searching for someone just like you. 

But right now you’re dealing with the pain and heartache of a breakup. Those things sound great but seem like a long way off from how you feel now, and you just want to come to terms with how to think about this situation and deal with these emotions. 

We know you’re hurting. We recognize your love for God. We’re here for you.


A Blessing in Disguise

Your breakup is actually a blessing in disguise. Although it almost certainly doesn’t feel that way right now, there is a big reason for viewing the breakup this way. Because you’re new to the Christian faith, it may surprise you to learn that Christians are instructed to only be romantically involved with other Christians. 

This biblical teaching about dating comes from Bible verses like 1Corinthians 7:39 and 2Corinthians 6:14. We understand that the first passage instructs newly single people to only marry other Christians, and since marriage is the purpose of dating, this principle applies to courtship also. We understand the second passage to highlight the importance of being in partnership with other Christians, and since your faith was the catalyst for the breakup, it’s apparent that the spiritual alignment was one of light with darkness. 

So, even though your emotions may be heavy right now, you can still recognize and rejoice in the knowledge that God was guarding your heart and likely saving you from deeper heartache in the future. It’s important to view this coming period of singleness as a loving gift from God because it will give you the time needed to heal and search for other Christians to pursue.

Seeking God’s Match for You

Now that you can see God’s plan with your spiritual eyes, you should start the process of intentionally seeking God’s match for you. We want to suggest that you do not jump into another relationship right away, but instead, take your time and look for spiritually mature people that have the following characteristics.

Firstly, as mentioned in the previous section, you want to find someone who is a fellow Christian. It should be an easily identifiable part of their identity, and the best place to meet these people is (surprise) at church. However, a majority of the online dating sites have religious options that allow users to identify as Christian. This is a biblical rule for dating and, therefore, extremely important to heed.

Secondly, you want to find someone who practices their faith regularly. As a new believer in Jesus, you need to grow in your Christian faith, and you will want to find someone who will foster and encourage that growth. This is made much easier if they are also actively developing their own spiritual walk with God. Together, you can mature alongside one another and reap the rewards of spiritual development as a couple. 

Pray for Help from the Holy Spirit

We know that breakups are difficult in many ways. It can take a lot of time to fully heal from the emotional damages caused by the letdowns within romantic relationships. While a lot of this time is spent reflecting on the past, we want to encourage you to spend more time in prayer for the future.

Jesus promised that God the Father would send believers the gift of the Holy Spirit. In John 14:16, depending on the translation, the Holy Spirit is called either the Helper, the Comforter, the Counselor, or the Advocate. These names reveal various aspects of His ministry in the lives of Christians.

Each of these descriptions reveals a unique quality about the Holy Spirit. He has been sent to us for help during times of hardship. He has been sent to us for comfort during times of grief. He has been sent to us for counsel during times of contemplation. He has been sent to us that we might have a spiritual advocate on earth. 

With that in mind, we encourage you to ask the Holy Spirit for all of these things. Ask Him for help during the difficult times when your emotions are running wild. Ask Him for comfort when the memories from your breakup spark sadness and grief. Ask Him for counsel when you finally start seeking after a godly relationship. Ask Him to advocate on your behalf in this realm of romance. 

Doing these things glorifies God and sets yourself up for success with the particular person that God has in mind for you. God’s ways are the best ways, and the Christian lifestyle is actively putting God’s methods into personal practice. In Romans 8:31, the Apostle Paul reminds us of the great hope we have when God is on our side; he says, “If God is for us, who can be against us?”