Quality Time is one of the five “love languages” identified by Dr. Gary Chapman in his book, The Five Love Languages. Each love language is different in fundamental ways, and if you’re new to the five love languages, we highly recommend reading our love languages overview before continuing.
This article aims to help you better understand Quality Time. The following section serves to promote personal growth through understanding for those speaking this love language. If this is your partner’s love language, the final section is for you to read about how to best approach them in love.
Your Love Language
If Quality Time is your love language, this section will explain why that demonstration of love is your preferred method. After you’ve read it, you’ll understand what it takes to explain this need to your partner. It will open their eyes to how powerful your love language is to you, and as a byproduct, your relationship together will become more satisfying to you both.
Understanding the Language
Quality time together is the way you feel closest connected to your partner. You love it when they orchestrate a dinner date, take you to the park for a walk, or do anything that produces a one-on-one situation with them and without distractions. To you, this is what love is supposed to feel like.
When someone gives you their undivided attention, it makes you feel important to them. But when that person is your romantic interest, it feels like you’re the center of attention and in the center of their love also.
However, it can be an unpleasant experience for you if someone keeps checking their phone or has their eye on the television while they’re with you. If this happens during a date, you’re likely to be incensed and offended by it. If it happened on the first date, they definitely won’t be getting a second date from you.
You tend to show others that you care by making them feel like the only person in the room. Attentiveness is the default way you demonstrate your love to others. It comes as no surprise that you would desire this in return, especially from your partner.
Talking to Your Significant Other
What good is it to know your primary love language if you don’t teach it to be spoken? Don’t just internalize what you’ve read about it. The information above needs to be passed to your partner.
Of all the love languages, yours is the most commonly understood. It’s natural to know that romance requires alone time and special attention.
Your expression of that might be weird to them. But use their confusion to hammer the point home about how important quality time is to you. Seal it with a kiss by adding that this is extra important to you because it’s time with them above others.
We recommend you go as far as to tell them about the five love languages. That way, they can read about it themselves and also discover their own love language by taking the test. You both win in this scenario!
Their Love Language
If Quality Time is your partner’s love language, this section will help you better understand how to uniquely display your love for them. Everyone tends to show love to others in their own love language. It mimics what Jesus said in Luke 6:31: Do unto others as you would like done unto you.
That’s the golden rule, no doubt, but it also neglects the context of the verse. That’s actually about how to love your enemies! Those you love should be treated extra special. You should want to understand your partner’s love language.
Understanding the Language
Giving your partner quality time with you is the best way to demonstrate your love for them. It’s a great way to set an environment for them to feel loved and listened to, but that doesn’t mean this is the only way you should show your love to them. Variety is the spice of life so keep mixing it up.
Nevertheless, moments alone with you are exactly what your partner desires. Of all the people they could spend their time with, you’re the one they chose. And it’s important to them that you choose them back!
Their pet peeve is when you are distracted from focusing on the moment and the situation you’re both in. They want you to be fully present with them and attentive to what they say. They’re sure to return the favor because this is what they believe true love entails.
Your partner doesn’t mind the activity that the time revolves around. They just want the time spent with you to be quality. They collect quality moments and store them away in their memory. These are the moments that count to them.
Making Quality Moments
There are a few ways you can make quality moments that are extra special to your partner. They don’t always need an extravagant show of love to feel like the center of attention. If you feel like doing something over the top, then go for it! But sometimes simpler is better and they won’t mind as long as it’s with you.
Can playing board games together be quality moments? Can shopping sprees together be quality moments? Can riding roller coasters together be quality moments? Can home cooked meals together be quality moments?
The answer to all of those questions is yes! A distraction-free environment with you and your partner focused on each other is a quality moment. The keyword in all those questions is together because, to your partner, what you do together is the way you demonstrate your true love to them.
Learn More: The 5 Love Languages Resource Hub